...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.




Tuesday, June 03, 2003
      ( 9:15 AM )
 
Mama, Inc.

I've decided to change my status from "person" to "corporation." I am going to check into incorporating myself in the Caymans and set up a dba here in Oregon. This seems to be my best bet in terms of getting all the support I need from the state and yet not paying any taxes. Not to mention my federal income tax would be great because I could take advantage of all those loopholes for corporations. Oh, and if I give out dividends of myself (and isn't that the very definition of being a mama?), then none of those will be taxed either. And I can regulate my own pollution emissions and investigate myself if I disregard them. To top it off, I can trade myself on the stock market for billions of dollars and actually not have to show any profits and I can continually fire myself and rehire myself to make stockholders happy, meanwhile, taking in a nice fat bonus each year. I do believe this is the way to go. Why should any of us have to be just mere persons anymore?

This year, 65% of corporations in Oregon paid no income tax. Instead, they paid 10 bucks to the state and called it a day. That's right. Since 1931, Oregon has allowed corporations to merely pay a minimum of $10 instead of a percentage of their income in the state.

But wait, Mama, isn't this the state that is so bankrupt the children have to leave school 3 weeks early and teachers had to work for free? Isn't this the state that is so bankrupt that old folks can't get care or medicine, criminals get written up instead of prosecuted, and the courts are open only 4 days a week? Isn't this the state that has lost a massive amount of business in the last two years, seen a steady unemployment figure around 7.8-8.0% in the last 18 months and is continuing to see job losses every month?

Why, yes it is. That very state where corporations who make their homes here used to account for 65% of the tax revenue now forecasts that for the 2003-5 budget, they will account for 10% of it. The rest of the burden is on the citizens of the state...who aren't making much these days so don't have much to contribute into the ol' tax revenue coffers...and thus: bankruptcy.

PGE, the state's largest utility, claimed to its shareholders that it took in $66 million in 2002. But it claimed on its income tax report to the state that it only took in $22 million - this due to power costs that have not yet been reported. Next, they used Oregon's corporate tax rate, which is 6.6% (reminder: actual people pay between 15-20% in taxes), and came up with a $1.5 million tax liability. Then, using the delightful Pollution Control and Business Energy tax credits that Oregon provides, PGE reduced their tax bill to the $10 minimum. Wala!!!

Why couldn't I do this if I incorporated myself? It's a win-win situation! I think we should all send the forms to the Caymans right now! Mama, Inc. That has a nice ring to it. You can reach me at my corporate headquarters: known in-house as "the laundry room."

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