...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.

Monday, July 12, 2004
      ( 9:56 AM )
Mama Morning

So, due to the financial precipice we're balancing on because of my entrance into grad school this summer, my dashing husband has been trying to find work. He was hired last week and started this morning at work he is incredibly skilled at. But now he has to leave the house by 6am and isn't home till 5 - 6 days a week. Getting a job here in Portland is hard these days, so we're happy he found something. Especially since it means we can keep our house and eat more than macaroni and tuna. But it also brings a lot of loss - he's been home with Martin for the last 2 years. I have really mixed feelings. We REALLY need the money, but I am very sad that Martin won't get to be with his dad anymore during the day. So big changes for all three of us. Now Martin will spend 4 days at his beloved in-home day care (he previously went 2 days a week) and one day with his grandma and grandpa. And now I will be the one who has to drop him off, pick him up and also return to taking care of house, errands, chores, etc. in addition to grad school.

So this morning was my first drop off. Martin goes there, he's familiar with all the kids and Ms. Ruby of course. But he clung to me and wept and wouldn't let me go (reports are that he just runs off and starts playing when his dad drops him off). So then I started crying. And we were both standing there sobbing - for no reason, really. I think he was having basic 2 yr old separation anxiety which would disappear the moment I was out of sight. But for me, it was more. I have been the wage earner in the family since he was 5 months old. It was horrible getting used to not being around, not being the preferred parent that first year. It was hard to wave goodbye as I went to work (or more recently, school) - but not that hard, since he was happy at home with Dad. But now things are different. I have to say I don't really like it. But that's life, right?

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