...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.

Friday, March 14, 2003
      ( 4:43 PM )
Mama Milestone
I forgot to mention that today the Kid waved bye-bye to me for the first time as I left for work. I nearly broke down in sobs and fell to the floor in a heap. I've only been a "working mum" for 3 months now (how was all that damned torture the first 6 months of his life not considered "work" - perhaps merely "baby boot camp"?), and I realize that it will take some time to come to peace with all the conflicting feelings, but something like this is one of those heart-wrenchers. Believe it or not, I'm in a on online bb for "when breadwinner is mum" and several of the fellow breadwinning mums there told me their babies' first words were "bye-bye" as they left for work. Oh spare me the pain! I would rather the Kid's first word be of the four-letter variety than "bye-bye." (in fact I would find that quite amusing and would brag widely of it) I do find supreme comfort in the fact that he gets to stay home with his dad, and P is the grandest stay-at-home-dad (sahd) that I've ever seen, but that comfort is often tinged with a bit of jealousy. Also dealing with the responses from people who, when they learn my husband stays home with the Kid, ask "is your husband injured? is he ill? can he not find work?" No one seems to be able to accept offhand that a couple could decide that the da will be the best one to stay home with the Kid and that it works out well that way for them. It doesn't mean the da has no skills (in defense of P, who needs no defense, he is a computer tech engineer, as well as a 20+year experienced cabinet maker and carpenter and amateur chef among other things), or the mama does not care for her child. Anyway, while I find myself very satisfied with our chosen lifestyle, there are moments, like this morning and the wave bye-bye that grip at a Mama's heart. It is nice to have a tiny, soft, sweet smelling body to squeeze when one gets home. And to make up for the bye-bye, I know when he sees me walk through the door, he'll shriek with joy and race towards me in his very-well refined speed-crawl. That will be nice.

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