...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003
      ( 2:37 PM )
Second Verse, Same as the First

The eastern world, it is explodin'.
Violence flarin', bullets loadin'
You're old enough to kill, but not for votin'
You don't believe in war, but what's that gun you're totin'
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin'

But you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Don't you understand what I'm tryin' to say
Can't you feel the fears I'm feelin' today?
If the button is pushed, there's no runnin away
There'll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
Take a look around you boy
It's bound to scare you boy

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don''t believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.

Yeah, my blood's so mad feels like coagulatin'
I'm sitting here just contemplatin'
You can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation.
Handful of senators don't pass legislation
And marches alone can't bring integration
When human respect is disintegratin'
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don't believe
We're on the eve
of destruction.
(written by Barry McGuire - 30 years ago)

Today's Translation Lesson
Class, today we are translating quotes from Ari Fleischer in an MSNBC article. Get out your notebooks, time to translate.

White House Tells Americans to Prepare for War
Wed March 19, 2003 05:45 PM ET
By Randall Mikkelsen

The Bush administration gave Congress the required notification for war and told Americans on Wednesday to prepare for a bloody and possibly prolonged conflict with Iraq.

{==> Bush told Congress what he was going to do and that if they didn't like it, they could kiss his ass. Actually, the Constitution mentions that CONGRESS shall declare war, but lately "notification" passes for that and - hell, why should the administration start caring about the Constitution at this point?==}

"On the brink of war with Iraq, Americans should be prepared for what we hope will be as precise and short a conflict as possible, but there are many unknowns. It could be a matter of some duration, we do not know," White House spokesman Ari Fleischer told reporters.

{=="We have no idea what the fuck we're getting into, but what the hell, the troops are already there."==}

"Americans have to be prepared for loss of life. Americans have to be prepared for the importance of disarming (Iraqi President) Saddam Hussein to protect the peace."

{=="Americans have to be prepared for their government to send its troops into be slaughtered if necessary, in order to chop off Hussein's head since we never did find that Bin Laden fella."==}

President Bush has given Saddam and his two sons until 8 p.m. EST on Wednesday -- 4 a.m. in Baghdad -- to quit his country or face attack, and Iraq has vowed to fight.

{==President Bush's favorite movie when he was a kid was High Noon.==}

"(At) 8 o'clock tonight the American people will know that Saddam Hussein has committed his final act of defiance," Fleischer said.

{=="At 8 o'clock, the American people can stop watching that stupid counter tick down on MSNBC, and the President can brush his teeth before bedtime."==}

Bush notified Congress on Tuesday night, under terms of a resolution passed in 2002 authorizing force against Iraq, that diplomacy had failed to reduce the Iraqi threat or enforce U.N. disarmament demands. The notice was required before or within 48 hours of the start of war. It was released on Wednesday.

{==Bush told Congress that they were too pansy-assed to do anything, so he was going to pretend that Resolution 1441 actually authorized force. He also told Congress again, that like he told the rest of the countries he was trying to "diplomatize" that they could kiss his ass.==}

The timing of the start of the war is up to Bush and his military advisers.

{==The war will start after Bush has decided that what his military advisers say is shit and he doesn't need to start doing what they advise now, when he hasn't given a damn what they said in the past.==}

The president would make an Oval office speech in the event of war, but Fleischer declined to say if it would be before or after hostilities began.

{==Ari noted that the speech-in-the-event-of-war will probably happen after the actual war has started, because it will most likely start after the President has brushed his teeth and gone to bed.==}

Meanwhile, Bush was working with military planners "and allowing the time that he has given to pass," he said.

{==Meanwhile, Bush was ignoring his military advisers and planning his own war because, gosh darn, LBJ got to do that!==}

Fleischer's comments were some of the most direct by the White House on the possible costs of a war, which would be the first under a national security strategy announced last year that asserts a right to pre-emptively attack countries deemed a threat.

{==Fleischer's comments were some of the most direct CYI statements by the White House in a long time. This war, which would be the first since we declared we could invade anyone we wanted to, could possibly last a long time and kill lots of our soldiers and lots of innocent civilians. "Don't say we didn't warn you!"==}

Democrats have criticized the Bush administration for failing to discuss anticipated costs in lives or money.

{Some little flies tried to dissent but we squashed them under the all-powerful non-liberal media's toe and so they were nothing but a little peep. How dare they criticize? How dare they assume? We'll just mention that there could be a high cost in lives and money, just in case.==}

The administration is expected to ask Congress for between $70 billion and $90 billion within days of the start of the war.

{==The administration is expected to ask for lots and lots more money for the war, but it won't go to toilet paper for the troops, and will most likely be taken out of taxpayer's money that might have gone to health care for old or poor people, or education for children, or maybe even the money that was promised to states to enable them to comply with the 50,000 requirements they now have to follow for HOMELAND SECURITY.==}

The money would cover war costs, stepped-up domestic security and aid to Israel and Jordan. Turkey may also receive aid, but it is likely to be sharply reduced because of its failure to let U.S. troops use its bases for an invasion.

{==Oh, and that money that isn't going to poor people, old people, hungry people or children in our country is also going to be given away to Turkey, Israel and Jordan -because, hey, what's an invasion policy without the bribe money to back it up? "Don't worry, Turkey isn't getting the whole 32 billion we offered before. Probably only like 20 billion or something."}

After meeting Bush at the White House to discuss security needs, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said of the looming war, "there's been a healthy discussion in this country about what the appropriate course of action is, the president has listened and he's made his decision."

{==Mayor Bloomberg, while kissing the president's ass, noted that despite the fact that millions of americans have been protesting this war, that a majority didn't agree with it right up until the High Noon Speech, that the president was right in ignoring all of them and doing what he wanted anyway. "They can all kiss your ass, Mr. President!"==}


{==Commie pinko unpatriotic crybaby bastards shirk work and clog the streets so that shoppers couldn't get to their destinations==}

Hundreds of anti-war protesters converged around the White House, but were kept far away by barricades and police guards around a perimeter expanded under a heightened terror alert level announced on Monday. Police arrested 28 people.

{==Close to a thousand anti-war protesters surrounded the White House, but were surprised to find that they had suddenly been transported back in time to 1967 when the white house was surrounded by fences and barriers. "What happened? Where are we?" Some of the confused protesters asked while being carted away by Police because they were blocking the road and keeping shoppers from getting to their destinations.==}

"Four more hours!" shouted one man as a crowd of about 250 people chanted "If the war breaks out, walk out!"

{=="Quit your jobs you lily-livered yella bastards!"==}

The FBI warned police to be on the lookout for suspicious activities by vehicles with Iraqi diplomatic license plates. Bush said Monday individuals with ties to Iraqi intelligence had been expelled to guard against possible retaliatory terror attacks.

{==Even though this has nothing to do with this story, we're still going to add at the end of it, just like we will with every other story that we can, that people of Iraqi descent can expect to be harrassed and targeted because they are all probably terrorists. Not that all the terrorist attacks committed on this country have never been conducted by Iraqis, but you can never tell with those shifty a-rabs. Remember: Iraqi=Terrorist. You can just never tell. Best to set up camps - it will keep them all safe from harassment for the duration. Thank god the FBI is on the job.==}

Bush's notice to Congress was accompanied by a report saying war on Iraq "would directly advance the war on terror." The assertion aims to meet demands by Congress in its authorizing resolution that any war be consistent with the anti-terrorism campaign Bush launched in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks on the United States.

{==Bush thought he better add that yes, despite everything he's said up to this moment, probably there would be more terrorist attacks on us because of this invasion. He thought it best to pre-empt any criticism that he was unaware that his actions might cause more Americans to be killed on our own soil.==}

Bush has given no clear evidence tying Iraq to the attacks, and critics have questioned U.S. attempts to link Saddam to the al Qaeda network blamed for the attacks.

{==Holy Crap, what are we doing this for?==}

The report also said Bush had authority to act under the U.S. Constitution, the U.N. charter and previous U.N. resolutions on Iraq. France, which led a successful effort in the U.N. Security Council to block a war resolution, said on Wednesday that only the council has the authority to authorize force and the world opposed Bush's ultimatum.

{==The report listed a bunch of laws and charters that had nothing to do with what Bush has done today, but it's good to mention them in the same sentence as declaring war, so it sounds like you're law-abiding. France, those pansy-assed commie pinko bastard do-gooders implied that the rest of the world opposed this invasion. What are they thinking? We know at least 30 countries are on our side!==}

Saddam denies having the weapons of mass destruction Bush accuses him of developing. There have been no signs Saddam would leave, and Iraq vowed to defeat an invasion.

{==Saddam figured he'd just as soon get his head chopped off at home rather than have to go live in one of those caves with Osama. Besides, if he stays home, he could try and hit Israel one last time - what a blast!==}

"Unfortunately we have seen no indications from Iraqi authorities that Saddam Hussein will avail himself of this final chance to avoid military conflict," Fleischer said.

{==Unfortunately, Saddam doesn't know the true story of High Noon, and he really has no idea that the showdown actually entailed the Earps sneeking up and firing first before the other guys had a chance to throw down their weapons. Damn. That worked out well for Wyatt.==}

As the deadline neared, Bush kept out of sight of reporters and met with his war planners.

{==He had to work so much last night that he didn't get to watch his favorite show - and so he spent today watching his tapes of American Idol in anticipation of tonight's elimination show. He likes the skinny white guy best.==}

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Richard Myers, CIA Director George Tenet, Secretary of State Colin Powell and Vice President Dick Cheney arrived at the White House in black limousines and sport utility vehicles for council meetings that have increased in frequency to almost daily as war looms.

{==The chickenhawks are all incredibly rich and love burning up as much fossil fuel as they can because - hey - why else invade Iraq?==}

The president called British Prime Minister Tony Blair, his staunchest ally on Iraq, to congratulate him on overcoming a party revolt to win parliamentary backing to wage war on Iraq.

{==The president called Tony and said "ooo, boy, you narrowly got away with that one! It's a good thing we don't have a system like yours here, or I could be facing an actual revolt here! Thank God nothing can take MY job away and that my Legislature is impotent and doesn't bother with things like standing on principle."==}

Here endeth today's translation lesson. Remember: The press WANTS to tell you the story, they just don't know how.

| -- permanent link