...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.




Wednesday, June 04, 2003
      ( 3:16 PM )
 
A User's Guide for the Axis of Evil

Thanks to MWOWWWW for pointing to ReachM High's 30 Useful tips for Iran to escape the Matrix. Here are some of the highlights:

1. If Bush accuses you of constructing WMDs, don't deny it because that's proof that you're lying.

2. Don't admit it, either or he'll kill you sooner.

3. If UN inspectors go in and don't find anything, this is clear evidence that you're concealing something.

4. If our secret sources (not to be confused with McDonalds' secret sauces) direct UN inspectors to known spots where WMDs are hidden, and there's still none there, that proves you to be doubly devious and the UN inspectors are obviously inept. (Besides, who can trust the UN? Bush's daddy told him it's full of foreigners and democrats).

5. Don't appeal to the UN for a fair hearing, as that only proves that they're in collusion with you, probably trading arms for rugs or maybe your weird cats.

6. Don't appeal to US citizens for justice, as they're too busy watching Reality TV and Faux News to notice that justice has disappeared unless there's an Amber Alert or something.

7. Besides, they're just a focus group.

8. Did you ever execute people, at a rate equal or greater to the execution rate of George Bush as governor? George Bush as President? Hah! Do you think your answer matters? You can't fool George, who's all-knowing and all-seeing.

9. Did you know Ahmad Chalabi is psychic and tells George where all your WMDs are hidden? Who do you think you're fooling?

10. Ever do an arms deal with former Reagan officials? If so, and if you have the photos to prove it, you're doubly screwed.

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