...I'm okay with being REALITY-based.




Monday, June 09, 2003
      ( 4:23 PM )
 
Mama's New Theory

I'm calling it "The Bill Clinton's Penis Law," or "Bill's Law" for short. In sum, this law is defined as follows:

Nothing the media reports about the current administration, or anyone in politics, for that matter, can EVER compare to the evil of Bill Clinton and what he did with his penis while he held elected office.

The first corollary to this law is: No Republican President could ever commit a crime so as to warrant impeachment proceedings that would be half as atrocious as what Bill Clinton and his penis did while he was president.

The second corollary to this law is: Everything that has gone wrong since President Bush has been in office can be traced back to Clinton's penis.

I've been working hard to develop this theory. I couldn't quite get it into words for a while because I am just so stunned everytime I read the news. It's incredible to me that Congress is actually investigating whether George Bush and his cabinet lied to the American people and the world as pretense to invade Iraq. This would seem to be a very serious subject and an investigation that could result in finding that we were led into war and the deaths of so many people were caused because this administration skewed intelligence reports to say what it wanted them to say. Lying to start a war - sounds like an impeachable offense to me. And yet, the top news right now is that Hillary Clinton was shocked and hurt when she discovered her husband had commited vile acts of evildoing with an intern. (Kudos to Howler for bringing us reality when it comes to the Fox interpretation of the facts).

It boggles my mind that people still scream about a liberal media when all the media has done for the past week is bash Hillary and say that she is lying about her own personal life. For godsake, that's not even the main part of the book... not to mention, she is meticulous about her politics and I don't think she would have written and published a book without making sure she fact checked her dates on things. And once again, her memoir of 8 years in the white house and all that happened to her is completely overshadowed in the media because of: Bill's Law.

BushCo spent millions of taxpayer dollars to land him on an aircraft carrier for a speech announcing the end to a war that is still killing our soldiers? WELL, Bill's Law proved that the news of that little expenditure was not worth reporting since the headlines were about JFK's dalliance with an intern, which of course brought on fresh conversation about the Evil Presidential Copulatory Organ.

BushCo possibly and probably lied to the American people about the pretenses for invading Iraq, AND drew the untrue connection between Saddam Hussein and 9/11? WELL, Bill's Law shows us that it's much better media fodder to talk about the former president's comments that the 2-term limit should be only applied to consecutive terms, and then to criticize endlessly how the former president misused his Executive Throbbing Organ.

The economy is in shreds and BushCo has made it even worse with all its terrible policies and revolving door policy with its economic advisors? Pshaw! What's a little ol' bad economy compared to the horrible spectacle of impeachment caused by a president who couldn't keep his willie in his pants? Bill's Law, Corollary No. 2 also tells us that any economic conditions we're now faced with are direct results of stains on a particular blue dress.

It's all there! Down with the law of Gravity, down with Murphy's Law. The new law in town is Bill's Law! Test it out for yourself! I could go on and on, but I'm sure you can think of many other examples in recent media history where Bill's Law played out. As theories go, you've got to admit, it's a winner.


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